Codependent Relationships – What is Codependency and How is It Related to Addiction?

Healthy relationships are mutually beneficial to both parties, and include characteristics such as honesty, trust and respect on both sides. With this, healthy relationships display the defining quality of balance and mutual effort. This is a stark contrast to what we see in codependent relationships. While baked in nuance, codependency can be defined as a dysfunctional relationship dynamic in which one person assumes the “giver” role, sacrificing their own needs and wellbeing for the sake of the “taker” within the relationship. Oftentimes the “giver” in the relationship will experience dissatisfaction within the relationship. This results in them feeling an imbalance of effort and feelings of being undervalued.

We want to greatly emphasize the fact that there is no scientific research to support the concept of codependency. While not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, codependency is a frequently used term within substance use disorder circles. For this reason, it’s important to understand the concept, and how codependency is used to explain dysfunctional relationships affecting problematic use. To understand codependency a bit more in depth, keep reading for a brief history.

Beginning within AA 12-step programs, codependency emerged as a shorthand term describing co-chemical dependency. This was first coined during the shift to referring to alcohol use disorder and all other substance use disorders within the same bucket of chemical dependency. As it grew in popularity, codependency evolved into describing the compulsive predisposition to be in relationship with individuals living with substance use disorder(s).

Stigmatizing in nature, codependency created a narrative of weakness around loved ones who were in relationship with those struggling with substance use disorder. Codependency tells the story that the loved ones in these relationships willingly enable continued use through “people pleasing” behaviors. From here, we can witness the concept of codependency growing to encompass any individual who continuously participates in relationships with addicts and/or narcissists. 

While we can acknowledge that dysfunctional relationships can be had with individuals who display personality or substance use disorders, we still see the misuse of the term codependency. Thanks to the surge in popularity of social media platforms like TikTok, we hear the terms “codependent” and “narcissist” being used frequently. Below is a deeper look into how modern-day clinicians view the concept of codependency:

Characteristics of a Codependent Relationship

• An imbalance of power. The partner who has a diagnosed SUD or is pathologically narcissistic having control over the other individual
• The lack of mutual understanding, respect and effort
• Feeling like you are unable to change your circumstances even though you recognize the problematic behavior in a partner/loved one
• Continuously displaying self-sacrificing tendencies and placing the needs of your loved one above your own
• Taking the blame for or accepting responsibility for a loved one/partner’s actions when they are engaging in problematic behaviors
• “Managing” loved one or partner to control behavior
• A lack of boundaries with loved one

These are just some of the common characteristics of codependency. Below we will outline what codependency looks like from the lens of being in a relationship with someone with SUD.